How to be sure your daughter doesn't turn out like Lindsay Lohan

By: Steve Almond (in BESTLIFE magazine)

Some weeks ago, I typed up a few rules for my daughter, Josephine, which I then posted on the refrigerator:
1. You are not to dress in revealing clothing or consort with girls who do.
2. You are not to have contact with young men who have not been introduced to—and/or frisked by—your mother or father.
3. You are not to use drugs other than Tylenol, and only then for approved medical purposes.
4. You are not to dance in a lewd manner, particularly in a nightclub with paparazzi present.

My friend Eve read over this list and pointed out that Josephine is not quite a year old. I’m well aware of my daughter’s age, of course. But I’m also well aware of Madison Avenue’s efforts to market the slut image to an ever younger demographic, and the mass media’s decision to cover young, troubled party girls as if they were heads of state, and perhaps most terrifying of all, I’m aware of my own weakness for precisely this sort of depraved coverage.

It’s a lot to consider.